Spending On Your Kids: How to stay on budget and preserve your relationship with your children
A new report found that for the first time in years, back-to-school spending is actually cooling down (Deloitte’s survey found found for K-12 students is expected to decrease by 10% to $597 per student this year, compared to 2022).
While parents are keeping an eye on their spending this season, many parents say that they are willing to splurge for the right reasons. The survey found that parents “say their child can convince them to splurge on clothing (57%) and tech products (56%)”(Deloitte, 2023).
As children age, their taste for clothing, technology, and experiences are informed more and more by their peer group rather than their parents.
While this is a normal developmental stage, it can wreak havoc on a parents who are trying to stick to their budget.
Some of the fears voiced by parents if they do not “give in” to the child’s requests:
“I want my child to fit in.”
“I do not want them to do something dangerous for the money to get these items themselves.”
“I am afraid that they will start to shut me out of their life completely if I don’t get them these things.”
“Our society has become one where these items are ‘needs’ and not ‘wants’ any longer — kids need these things now!”
These are all genuinely valid concerns and definitely inform parental spending patterns. And… there are ways to address these concerns WITHOUT killing your budget.
The following steps are ways to help parents frame their spending and to help children take a more active role in the resource-allocation of the household. This guide can be used with young children and with teens alike… just adjust the conversation content accordingly!
Be Transparent About Concerns - The concerns listed above are valid… so tell your child about them. They might also have concerns they have about ‘falling behind socially’ and opening up a place to discuss these social pressures is excellent. You can discuss together what these social pressures mean, where they come from, how they are different from when you were a child (oy vey… social media!) — this can be a wonderful bonding conversation rather than the divisive discourse that frequently surrounds these topics.
Get VERY Specific About The Child’s Spending Budget, but NOT Specific About Yours - Proper financial boundaries are key to having healthy relationships with money — for both you and your child. You do not need to unburden your financial stressors onto them (bring those to your partner, your family, your friends, your therapist, but not to your child). But you do want to explain to them that every household has to plan — even the billionaires — and that your household plan has X$ amount for the child to spend for this event/season (be it Holiday spending or back-to-school shopping).
N.B. - I get the question a lot from parents about “How do we calculate their spending budget?” — this amount needs to come either from the parent’s discretionary amount OR from a pre-planned line item. For help on how to calculate that, click this link for advice and tools on how to create a budget that reflects your values and virtues — Financial Therapy Budgeting The Reflects Your Values
Help Them Weigh Their Decisions Within the Confines of their Budget - Once you’ve given the child their budget number, go through the process of helping them weight the pros/cons of their decisions. At some point, they may ask for more funds. This is the point at which the lesson of making a decision together… without wavering on the budgeted amount. There are many ways to stick to the budget without being callous. Can they take up a weekend babysitting job to cover the costs? Do they have any of their own money saved? What would other options be if they cannot make the purchase of the item(s) they wanted? What is it like for them to have to make these sometimes difficult spending choices?
This guide helps turn spending conversations into decisions made together (instead of a battle of wills).
I know that this is a a lot of information and it is process. But the fruits of attempting this are wonderful! If you need help setting up this conversation, give me a call. Family Financial Therapy can be wonderful for helping discuss these issues. If I am not a good fit, I will help them find someone who is.
DrZepeda@FinancialTherapyTexas.com
Phone: 713-291-9553