Couples Therapy for Gambling Addiction: Stronger together
Ah, Gambling! Just the word conjures images of smoky casinos, bright lights, and a soundtrack of Sinatra’s “Luck Be A Lady Tonight” playing overhead. While still a way to safely enjoy the thrill of the chase for many, for some, this can quickly become life-shattering.
As of 2023, there are only a handful of states where casino gambling is legal state-wide. With such relatively limited access, why in the world has gambling addiction been surging in the past decade?
Two Words: Easy Access
Some of the changes have to do with legal access to more sports betting and the like —
“In 2018, the Supreme Court struck down the Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act, opening the door to online sports betting across 21 states. As a direct result, sports-betting revenues grew 69 percent from 2019 to 2020 and another 270 percent during the first quarter of 2021” (The Atlantic, 2021).
The loosening of sports betting legislation since the 2018 Supreme Court ruling easing gambling restrictions has created an opportunity for sports advertisers and online gambling platforms — and this is a problem. It takes the temptation for quick money out of the casinos and sportsbooks and places it right on your phone in your pocket.
The aggressive ad campaigns and ease with which the apps set up bets on all types of sports (from professional to collegiate level) stacks the odds strongly against people struggling with gambling.
In Texas, the lottery (one of the limited legal forms of gambling in the Lone Star State) now has an app. Prior to this technology, you had to drive to a store and pay directly with cash to get the tickets. Not so anymore. It’s as easy as clicking a button now from the comfort of your own home.
In addition, there is a new form of gambling-type behavior that is not currently classified as formal gambling that saw a HUGE uptick during the pandemic — The Stock Market.
“The online day trader with problems is indistinguishable from the online gambling addict…A lot of this is directly taken from the user experience of casinos: It encourages immediacy and frequent engagement.” - Keith Whyte, the executive director of the National Council on Problem Gambling (NBC News, 2021)
Using apps to manage your portfolio is nothing new — many banks and firms have used them for years.
However with the proliferation of playing options and cryptocurrency, these apps have become miniature slot machines in our pockets.
And the pull of the reddit-investors lore is strong — If I can guess the right stock at the right time, I can make it big! Stories abound of near overnight crypto-millionaires. There is a feeling of exciting Wild West lawlessness, luring people to the promise of instant success.
The problem with these kinds of gains is that they are terribly addicting — and you don’t stay on top for long.
As in Vegas, the house appears to always win.
Many of the approaches to Gambling Disorder focus on the individual (and can be very helpful). One approach that is also effective is Couples Therapy for Gambling. Here are some of the things that can be done in couples work that make this different from the individual approach.
Couples Therapy for Gambling
Accountability - Coming out about the Gambling issue (or, more frequently, getting caught) is a wonderful opportunity to be Financially Vulnerable. From this can come an openness. After screening for any Financial Abuse, it can be helpful for the person with the gambling problem to set up a system where their partner can view all of their spending, and — at times and with full consent — might even give them control over income and set up a dispersion/allowance system while they are healing from the gambling.
Healing of Relationship from Financial Infidelity - Often times, the person who is stuck in the gambling feels relief at finally being able to be open about the problem and is looking to make changes. The other person in the relationship might be hurt and need time to be able to re-build trust. Setting up a safe place where both people can express their hurts, explore potential influences from the relationship that contributed to the gambling, and plan on a path ahead to avoid this in the future can all be wonderful conversations towards healing.
Externalization of Gambling from the Person - The Gambling Voice (a term I often use in my couples work with this issue) is NOT the person themselves. It is often a voice that springs up from anxiety, boredom, or sadness. When working together in a relational context, the couple can begin to see The Gambling Voice as the problem, rather than the person. The person is able to re-discover and re-connect to the parts of themselves that the Gambling Voice has separated them from in their lives. This re-integration is connected to the next step, of expanding healthy replacement activities beyond gambling.
Expansion of Healthy Replacement Activities Beyond Gambling - As with substance use disorders, it is important for people who struggle with gambling to replace the gambling behaviors with healthy activities. This is where couples therapy can be immensely helpful in keeping the healing on track. Part of couples therapy for gambling includes healing from the emotional and financial damage, but also means working with the couple to re-build their preferred relationship.
If you or someone you know needs help with this, give me a call. If I am not a good fit, I will help you find someone who is!
Email: DrZepeda@FinancialTherapyTexas.com
Phone: 713-291-9553