The Burden of Breadwinner Guilt: The strain of bringing home the bacon as a woman
The data in heterosexual marriages is shifting on who brings in more income. A Pew Research poll shows that from 1979 to 2022, the percentages have changed dramatically regarding household earning:
Men as primary breadwinner - 85% in 1979; 55% in 2022 — decreased by about a third
Women as primary breadwinner - 5% in 1979; 16% in 2022 — tripled
Egalitarian (i.e. husband and wife earning the same amount) - 11% in 1979; 29% in 2022 — also tripled!
This kind of shift in a relatively short time frame (only around 40 years) might not have allowed for us to adjust to the cultural aspects of wife qua breadwinner. Indeed, even wife qua equal income earner is also a cultural shift as well.
As a woman who is the primary earner in your household (or even equal earner), there can be accompanying feelings of guilt or pressure due to societal expectations and traditional gender roles. Am I working too much? Do I need to be doing more around the house to make up for the time I am at work? Am I away from work too much? Do I need to be volunteering for more work duties so that my co-workers don’t think I am slacking because I am a woman?
Here are some steps you can take to decrease breadwinner guilt and find a more balanced approach:
1. Challenge societal norms and expectations
Recognize that societal expectations and gender norms are outdated and limiting. Take a proactive approach to challenge these beliefs by educating yourself on the evolving role of women in the workforce. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand and respect your career choices.
2. Communicate openly with your partner
Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial in dealing with breadwinner guilt. Discuss your feelings openly and listen to their perspective. Together, you can find ways to share responsibilities and contribute to the household in ways that feel fair and balanced for both of you.
3. Celebrate your achievements
Rather than dwelling on guilt, focus on celebrating your achievements and the positive aspects of being the breadwinner. Recognize that your hard work and success are not something to feel guilty about but rather something to be proud of. Embrace your professional accomplishments and the opportunities they bring for you and your family.
4. Set realistic expectations for yourself
It's important to set realistic expectations for yourself both in your professional and personal life. Understand that you cannot be perfect in all areas all the time. Strive for a healthy work-life balance. By maintaining your well-being, you can better support your family and reduce any associated guilt.
5. Delegate and seek support
Learn to delegate tasks and share responsibilities with your partner and other family members. Building a support system at home can help ease the burden of being the sole breadwinner. Consider exploring available resources such as childcare services, meal delivery options, or household help to help lighten the load.
6. Challenge your own beliefs
Take a moment to reflect on any beliefs that may be contributing to your breadwinner guilt. Remind yourself that your contribution benefits your family and that being a successful woman in the workplace is a source of empowerment.
If you (or someone you know) needs help with this, give me a call. Financial Therapy (individually or within your relationship) can be wonderful for helping discuss these issues. If I am not a good fit, I will help them find someone who is.
Email: DrZepeda@FinancialTherapyTexas.com
Phone: 713-291-9553